5.14.2005
Well, I graduated...or at least walked across the stage.
It was all around a frustrating day, for a variety of reasons.
I am now in a state of limbo in my life, and it's a bit mind-numbing. For the past several weeks, I think that I've been distancing myself from people that I see around me. I look around, and at most of them, I think: "This is probably the last time that I'm going to see that person." I then wait for any sort of a reaction from myself: emotions, wishes, anything. Most of the time I don't feel a thing, and I'm not sure how to take that. On one hand, I think: "Why on earth have I even bothered with the evidently superficial conversations that I have had with many of these people?" On the other hand, I think: "Why on earth didn't I make some effort to make these relationships something above and beyond superficial?" As with my high school graduation, I feel incredibly impotent in my Christian witness to the scads of people that I have come into contact with on a daily basis for the past five years.
My family couldn't come to my graduation. That made it a bit harder as well. At the ChemE banquet that was held for the department's graduating seniors, I had no guests to introduce, which was rivaled only by the foreign student whose family probaly lived across an ocean. I have lived outside of a seven hour radius of them for the past five years, and it looks as if I will stay outside of that radius for the next five as well. It is frustrating that I spend 99% of my time with the 99% of the population that I don't give a rip about, and that the one percent that I do care about seems to be too far away to seriously share my life with.
Val's family came up, which was great. However, her demeanor and attitude throughout the day was simply infuriating. She somehow thinks that she doesn't deserve the diploma that she will receive. Everyone around her continuously tells her that this is ludicrous, but she won't have a word of it. It was partially due to a comment of hers that she didn't want to walk across the stage for graduation that my family was unable to make the trip up here. By the time they were informed that we were indeed going to participate, it was too late for them to get off from work. Val is the most hardworking, diligent, and intelligent person that I know, and I love her for it. I am proud of her accomplishments at this university. The fact that she did and will not realize any of these things, nor allow this day to be special, and share it with people that love her and are able to be here, a luxury that I do not have, annoys me to no end. I have married an amazing and spectacular person that will not look at herself but through crap colored glasses when it comes to her career.
Thus my five year college career has culminated in a pitterpatter of claps from a sea of nameless faces, a scowling wife, and a folder that does not have a diploma inside.
# posted by Sir Omer : 5/14/2005 03:47:00 PM
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Chris,
I see things a little differently. 1) You have set met and exceeded academic goals that would have buried most of the people I know or have ever met. As a lab assistant you were published while still in your freshman year. 2) You met, courted and married the person that will share the rest of your life. Together the two of you have kept the faith, worked like slaves, studied diligently, remained committed to one another, and still graduated. 3) You have experienced a larger world, and it has helped you to mature. 4) You have made a difference in the lives of many people. That includes Val, her family, the people you have met on and off campus, the folks at dwebb, (and other blogs), family and friends here in Enid, down in Waco, up in Missouri, and in one particular instance saved the life of a drunken young lady. 5) You have learned numerous skills such as gardening, web site design, verbal debate, diplomacy, and radio station programming and operations. The list goes on...
I know you feel let down by what seems to be a wet firecracker ending to this portion of your college career. So What? In six weeks you begin the career that you have dreamed of since you were just a small child making mixtures with my shower soap, shampoo, and conditioner. You and Val can relax from the relentless pressure of a college schedule. Your financial position will ease somewhat as your income increases dramatically. You will actually have time and money to plan what comes next with greater confidence than ever before.
I regret missing your graduation and other activities. I missed seeing you and Val. I cannot change the situation. Neither can you. Let it go. Count your blessings and SYFTKOG!
Dad
I see things a little differently. 1) You have set met and exceeded academic goals that would have buried most of the people I know or have ever met. As a lab assistant you were published while still in your freshman year. 2) You met, courted and married the person that will share the rest of your life. Together the two of you have kept the faith, worked like slaves, studied diligently, remained committed to one another, and still graduated. 3) You have experienced a larger world, and it has helped you to mature. 4) You have made a difference in the lives of many people. That includes Val, her family, the people you have met on and off campus, the folks at dwebb, (and other blogs), family and friends here in Enid, down in Waco, up in Missouri, and in one particular instance saved the life of a drunken young lady. 5) You have learned numerous skills such as gardening, web site design, verbal debate, diplomacy, and radio station programming and operations. The list goes on...
I know you feel let down by what seems to be a wet firecracker ending to this portion of your college career. So What? In six weeks you begin the career that you have dreamed of since you were just a small child making mixtures with my shower soap, shampoo, and conditioner. You and Val can relax from the relentless pressure of a college schedule. Your financial position will ease somewhat as your income increases dramatically. You will actually have time and money to plan what comes next with greater confidence than ever before.
I regret missing your graduation and other activities. I missed seeing you and Val. I cannot change the situation. Neither can you. Let it go. Count your blessings and SYFTKOG!
Dad
# posted by 
: 5/15/2005 06:55:00 PM
: 5/15/2005 06:55:00 PM
Look in your mailbox my dear friend. Hopefully your graduation present will have arrived today, and my prayer is that it will help alleviate some of the stress you've had over the last few months. Hopefully it will understand you. I love you. As ever your friend, Wendy.
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. It was a tough day, but we're all right.
I also don't want you all to think that I post stuff like this without Val's consent. By the time this was posted, we had already talked about everything, and were okay.
I'm sorry you guys couldn't be here. I hope that none of my comments were taken as blaming you for not being here. Like you said, circumstances are what they are and can't be changed. You guys have been there for me my whole life. I have no ill will because of this small mishap.
Wendy, I got your CD. I should've known that you couldn't keep it canned (since you basically told me about it in your comment to another post). I like the way they sound; thanks a million!
I hope to see you all soon.
Love,
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I also don't want you all to think that I post stuff like this without Val's consent. By the time this was posted, we had already talked about everything, and were okay.
I'm sorry you guys couldn't be here. I hope that none of my comments were taken as blaming you for not being here. Like you said, circumstances are what they are and can't be changed. You guys have been there for me my whole life. I have no ill will because of this small mishap.
Wendy, I got your CD. I should've known that you couldn't keep it canned (since you basically told me about it in your comment to another post). I like the way they sound; thanks a million!
I hope to see you all soon.
Love,
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