Mucky Declarations

I don't know if anyone else ever feels like I do. I'm in one of those stages, where I think I feel as close as I really get to depressed. It's nothing serious. It typically happens around transition stages in my life. I look around, and sort of get this feeling that I'm all alone. But at the same time I know that there are people around that love and care for me. It's almost a contradiction. I realise that most of the people that I spend the most time with are people that I have nothing more than a surface relationship with, but at the same time, are forced to out of necessity. And then the precious few people I truly do care about are too far for me to be around, and that I have failed miserably at keeping those relationships active. I get this sort of lump in my throat, and look around and evaluate what my life's all about. I realise that I'm leaving yet another stage in my life that I will never get back, and that I'm running out of time to make any sort of a difference in the surrounding people's lives, and feel crushed that I haven't already. I feel ineffective and impotent. Almost worthless. Very sentimental. I remember friends past and present, times spent building relationships that seem to be all but holding on. I look back at an amazing and loving family that I don't call near enough. I see others coming to transitions in their lives as well, often transitions that I know will separate me from them even more. And all I want to do is reach out and say "I love you," but I know that that would most likely freak you out. But at the same time it's true. To all of you that I don't keep up with as much as I should, to my family who has loved me through my tumlit college career, and has put up with me through all of it, to my few true Enid friends, with whom life has taken us along many different paths, and I have learned, laughed, and cried with, to my present college friends some of which I have but a few short weeks with, that I have played, joked, shared, and grown with, to my amazing fiancee, who knows everything about me, and with whom I have the pleasure of spending the rest of my life with, to my newer web friends, many of whom I am just starting to get to know, who have challenged me so much in life and faith I love you all. Please know it. Please realise that true love, and true satisfaction comes from God alone. I hope that I have meant something to you, perhaps even made a small difference in your life. I pray that God would use you to bless the lives of others as He has used you to bless mine. I thank you for your words, your works, your prayers, and your time. I wish you the best in life, love, and faith. I ask you to keep in touch, and to forgive my unfaithfulness in doing the same. Do not neglect, nor take for granted these few precious days and hours we have in this life. And although this seems like a goodbye, I know that I will see all of you in paradise, and in the years to come. May God be with you. Matthew 6:33 Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.