Mucky Declarations

Don't you just love pontificating in the wee hours of the morning? Ah, the dark dim thoughts of morning when one wishes to go to sleep, but cannot, or simply will not, due to the pervasiveness of his procrastination and/or subconcious masochism. But, no, there have been many things over the past week that I have thought of to post here for you all. I suppose a great place to start would be the theological journey that I have been on for about the past year. I guess I'll just tell the story, and let each figure out what details he desires. About a year ago, a friend of mine named Trevor started an online discussion board, trying to encourage people in the BSU to dig deeper into their faith. In the process of discussing, I found that I knew very little about Christian history. I had no clue that there was only one Church for the first thousand years of Christianity. I had no idea about the depth of the doctrines that surrounded the reformation. I was lost about many commonplace (I now realise) theological terms. This time in my life presented a challenge to me in that there were those on the board that questioned much that I had grown up KNOWING was true. In realising that I was clueless on many levels, I decided, based much on an encounter with another individual on the board, that I needed to go back to square one, and start defining what I believed, and what I considered to be an authority in my life. This was a very scary time, in that for a few weeks, I felt that my entire belief system had the possibility of being completely false. Since then, it has been a long and educating journey that has brought me, I think, to a better head knowledge of God, but the heart relationship has suffered. I spend more time thinking about religion, rather than talking to my Savior. People have placated me on this, saying "but the head knowledge is important too." This is true, but why is it that the more I learn, the less I feel I know? It is from this mindset that my thought earlier in the month about acting on what you know to be true, sprang. I still search, but now I'm going to try to act and live as well. I am fairly sure that perfect doctrine is not what saves. I am also certain that no person, or group, or society, no matter how long they are given, will be in perfect understanding of God's truth. Thus, I am sure that our fallen minds will be forgiven us, along with the rest of our fallen selves, by the grace of God. Could you let down your hair And be transparent for a while Just a little while See if you're human after all Honesty is a hard attribute to find When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue I don't have all the answers And god I pretend like I do just Trying to find my way Trying to find my way the best that I know how Well I haven't memorized all the cute things to say But I'm working on it Maybe I'll master this art for today I'd I quote all the line off the top of my head And you'd be I dont understand all of these things I've read I'm just trying to find my way Trying to find my way Trying to find my way the best that I know how Well I havent drawn it or figured out quite yet But even if it takes my whole life To get to where I need to be And if I should fall to the bottom of the end I'll be one step back to you I'm trying to find my way Trying to find my way Oh, I'm trying to find my way Trying to find my way --Lifehouse, a band that brings out the poet in me. or something. g'night boys and girls